Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
Woke up to the first three complete chapters of my new novel titled "If My Dick Could Talk" waiting for me on my laptop
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
They installed a lotion dispenser in the bathroom at work... its like they want me to masturbate on the clock...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
I WILL BE THE BEST FICTITIONAL HISTORICAL FIGURE FOR THE FEMENIST MOVEMENT THE WORLD HAS EVER SEEN
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
In the middle of me riding him, he stopped me and said "You're the kind of person who would be restrained for being obnoxiously drunk on an airplane, huh?"
I was picked up from his hotel room at 5 a.m. and came home with my panties and jäger in a McDonald's bag so the desk attendant wouldn't judge me. This is what single at 25 is about.
I just got called the stable friend. This makes me super uncomfortable
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
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