afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
its not you its me. and by that i mean i am more interested in having random one night stands with random hot girls then having the same normal sex with u.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
Alex I've come up with a new medical condition. dick depression. it's a real thing and I have it
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
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