He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
A true measure of a good friend is how long she responds to her friends drunken illogical texts. Youre a champ.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Wow. Ok who would waste Game 7 ticket on kids?!
Poor parenting at its best
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Is it appropriate to be taking shots at 11 on sunday?
Absolutely same thing as church only different
Randomize
