I'm going to use my one free fuck up card tonight.
What'd you do?
Its more like what im about to do.
I have no memory of puking on someone. Was he cute?
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
mate, my mother watched me threw up out of my nose wearing only a g-string.
Gay bathhouses. They're actually a thing. So god does exist. And he doesn't hate me as much as you think he does
I threw up this morning to Silent Night playing in background. It was actually quite soothing.
Dude, tumbleweeds have been rolling through my bed lately. This is my dryest dry spell since I was married.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
I’m never getting home or fucked or eating hot Taco Bell fml
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