am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
Apparently I'm the guy that didn't get the memo that Afliction and wifebeaters were the proper attire for tonight... so I'll just sit here alone in my sweatervest and be judged.
Okay, thats embarrasing even by my standards and I've thrown up while wearing a viking hat. just a viking hat.
Finally considering to keep my landing strip before I have sex.. I feel like It makes me look mature.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
i think you lost all your innocence when you were caught straddling a fence in your thong & cowboy boots by the 40 year old apartment manager
I don't know what to do with my life other than going on Reddit and watching porn.
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I gave him a hand job in the parking lot... now he thinks we're meant for each other...
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
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