oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
He sent me a blank text message. That's a booty call waiting to happen
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Dude is PACKING. And yes I am holding up a cross and holy water and hissing like a pissed off goose.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
