Before he took off his pants he paused and said, "Remember..sometimes great things come in small packages."
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
After he convinced me that my friend had died and come back to life, I decided I was having sex with him that night, and that I should lay off the drugs for a while.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
Inquiring minds want to know if your Bf is circumcised
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Shroomed with my best friend'a dad at his wife's surprise birthday party so you can say I have experience in the field
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
Randomize
