Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
Sat down on an escalator. That hungover.
Yeah. Just jump him. Naked. Claim his dick for yourself.
I know it must have been a hard break up. Are you okay?
Oh yeah, I'm fine dude. My vaginas heart is broken though. I feel bad for her, you should give her a call sometime.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
guys with girlfriends don't have a leg to stand on when they get mad at you for fucking other guys
I took a 19 year old to a strip club and ended up in a three way. Divorced life might be OK.
You know it was a weird week when you have a mystery bruise and youre unsure if it was from crazy sex or getting bit by a duck. Life.
I gave three different guys a boner at the same time last night, and none of them are in the same city as I am. That's achievement.
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
...and with one comment dissing Hannibal Lecter, I suddenly understood why we never worked out.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
My life. Always pantsless and occasionally topless.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
