You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
im over her. I got weed and youtube. everything i could ever ask for.
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
We watched X-Files, ate pizza, and he played with my butt. It was a pretty standard Monday.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
I told him it was fine and then I keyed his car.
Randomize
