I just wanted to yell " i am not a shake weight!!"
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
also, I just found three random bruises on my knee. probably from when I was velcrod to the stairs
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
How did a couple beers and monopoly turn into a bottle of vodka and throwing eggs at eachother in the kitchen?
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I did the crab walk everywhere because I was drunk enough that it was easier than standing up.
Are the homeless actually allowed to bathe in fountains located on Main Street in downtown Houston? Can Houston TX be so progressive as to condone public bathing?
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You grabbed your house keys, threw them at the door and asked, "did it open?"
You came in last night, ate an entire avocado in silence, and then told me I should never accept rides from strangers. Not sure I even want to know what happened to you last night!
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
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