Afterall, it is the real San Francisco treat
eh.. i should've known it was headed downhill after he used the phrase "pussy sundae"
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
there should be laws that require people like to me to be on birth control.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
I made him ride the giant pony statue in my friends little sisters room before i let him get in the bed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
Those drunk pictures you took of me? My mom is showing those to my grandparents.
so...the lady doing my pedi totally noticed the human bite marks on my calf. Who says marriage ends your sex life? Love u!
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
AND I JUST BURNT MY BACON. WTF MONDAY. SCREW YOU TOO
Idk how I even got accepted into college because literally the only things my brain ever thinks about are YouTube videos of baby animals and sex.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Randomize
