be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
Oh and discovery of the day is it's the channel, not the time on your cable box. Thought it was 2:16 for 4 hours
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
She shoved a hot dog in my pocket and started grinding on it.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
well what the fuck is the POINT of teetotal mardi gras
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
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