oh and i really hope miley falls off this mountain she is climbing
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
It was a deal breaker when she told me not to wear a condom and god would decide if we were meant to be together.
Just made macaroni burritos. Fukkin awesome. We'll have to try this when I'm sober.,!
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
Now I don't feel so bad about telling everyone that he's 23 and needs Viagra. It's her problem now
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
Taco trucks are like ice cream trucks for drunk adults. They should have a mariachi tune they play super loud to bring people out of the bars for tacos.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
Randomize