A little girl and i are having a face making battle in mcdonalds
She started it, but I totally finished it.
Latenightwjoannablackberrywontletmespaceitknowsimdrunk
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
Whenever I don't wipe thoroughly after shitting, I just think that anyone if anyone sticks their finger up my ass, they had it coming.
So yes, he's hot, a scorpio, an artist and a perfect cock. I think my bi train just arrived in gay town.
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
Remember when I got punched in the face on NYE last year? I don't
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
Bachelorette party buss just rolled into down town. DTF, "horny hotties inside" and "show us your dicks" written on the windows....this could get interesting.
It's like the perfect sandwich, once you find it you want to ensure your future access to it.
Randomize
