"Ever since I killed her kid she be actin' shady." Actual quote overheard at Marine World just now. Oh God.
you should probably quit with the whole "no homo" thing, especially when you are drunk, "mo homo"gives the wrong impression.
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
His dick was as big as my arm. Giving him a handjob was like giving someone an Indian sunburn.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
Please know that I fully expect you to help me steal a bed if I have a bad breakup.
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
Seeing your one night stand on campus never gets less awkward. Why is Subway the only good place to eat?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
Only a true best friend would remind you to make sure your cucumber dildo is organic
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