the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
Fuck. These are the symptoms I had when I was pregnant. This could be bad.
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
I draw, I play three woodwind instruments, I press buttons for eight hours at work and Im studying to be a gynecologist... I guarantee I can make you squirt, babe.
While leaving the bar with another guy I told the bouncer I was sad his friend had a fiancee
You were drinking Everclear weren't you?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I've had more lap dances than hrs of sleep since Thursday, this is why you're planning all three of my bachelor parties
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
someone stole my phone at the bar last night, naturally, it led to me waking up in the bartender’s bed
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
Randomize
