i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
Nothing says Happy Thanksgiving like having to pee in a condom for my cousin so that he can pass a drug test.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Sorry my moustache came off because I was face first in a layered bucket full of jello shots.
I may be new to bar life, but full on grabbing my vag shouldn't happen...anywhere.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
She came to the party dressed as slutty elmo and then called me oscar the grouch for not wanting to bang her in the dumpster outside.
she is way to in-touch with her childhood
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Masterbating to Tolstoy. You?
Randomize
