he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
I'm blazed at jack in the box and my order number is 420. I wish everything in the world made this much sense.
don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
Just try to lay there and not be pregnant.
i had confetti in my bra
i still find it in random places like a shoe or my car. that week haunts me
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
Why did two squirrels just run out from behind the couch?
About that.
Randomize
