Since my computer broke, i've been masterbating to girls gone wild. I feel like i'm in the 90's.
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I think I should advise against you hooking up with a guy that throws "the shocker" up in all of his pictures on facebook. Just sayin.
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
I'm highly inebriated watching star wars, this text was sent via the force
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Dude did you see that video of yourself crying while bathing in vodka on YouTube?
It’s like my vagina just knows when a man is a barrel-chested freedom fighter.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
