He seemed more like the type to get donkey punched by a she-male hooker to me
Dude I can't believe you let me go home with the wildabeast lastnight.
You always hook up with hot girls we had to know you were mortal
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
life just isnt the same w/o real world cancun
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Let's just say his oral game was lacking. Hell, lacking is too nice of a word to describe it.
He seems like a nice guy. I mean, I know he's married and he's essentially paying me to be his side hoe, but he really seems like a good person.
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
Randomize
