We were hooking up, both of us naked. She starts putting her clothes back on and says, "I have to go to the bathroom." I reply, "No you don't, you're leaving." Without hesitation she looks at me and says, "Yeah."
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I don't know why I've never thought to take my bong into the bathtub before.
Holy mother of cocks. I was grind-with-my-boss drunk last night.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
Hey, please tell me that you and dad are having actual steaks tonight and I did not just get sexted by my dad
I don't think she can come out, she went too hard in the Intro to Theater Drinking Game at 2:30
I just audibly asked myself if i wanted to masturbate.
And then audibly agreed
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I went to a community college and majored in Bad Decisions. I'm not exactly a chick magnet.
Dude at one point I lost you only to find you sitting in the bushes eating pizza.
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
Randomize
