Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
this is probably the only time in my life that i would want to fuck thomas jefferson
All I know is I woke up next to her beside the toilet
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
First of all guys don't have walks of shame. Secondly there is nothing more epic than riding the skytrain in a toga while everyone else is going to work
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
well at least now you can say you got an STD from the frontman of a band no one's heard of
fuck you.
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