And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
thanks for not screaming that I'm pregnant when that guy was giving me his number.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
She makes me want to have breakfast margaritas every day
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
i swear to god even though i took those meds before coming here i did not hallucinate zulema silently throwing up into a breakfast burrito
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
then she said she was half-a-virgin and that she would appreciate it if i would finish what her old booty call started
Her virginity is one of the last things that remains of our childhood.
Do not tell me that that is not the face of a man who has sex with goats.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
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