Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
Just took 11th shot of tequila. I may puke in my bear head.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I don't think everyone found it as funny as I did... Nothing says "Party's Over" like the sound of a pump action shotgun.
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I plan on drinking enough to kill at least 2 frat boys and make an aa meeting weep for joy
Woke up backwards on a recliner
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
You grabbed my dick don't call me son
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
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