i killed an earwig and left its corpse on the wall as a warning
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
She swallowed my jizz and then took a shot of jack daniels and said "chaser." This cant be real life.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
She stumbled in with some guy, woke me up, introduced him and said "This is my sister. She's a freshman. She probably hates you."
Well who could blame her. I would run away from me if I could.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
how many people can say they bit their tattoo off?
IF IT WALKS LIKE A MANWHORE AND QUACKS LIKE A MANWHORE, HE PROBABLY HAS VD.
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I'm by the tree and the Dora the explorer balloon .. Look for the Dora the explorer balloon
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
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