How am I a tease?
Dude you flashed me ur vagina and walked away.
ONLY PART OF IT.
I don't even know. I woke up in the bathtub with no shirt, covered in towels holding what appeared to be vanillia pudding mixed with captain morgan.
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
i refuse to hook up with a girl that looks like drew carey.
I'm on the toilet with no toilet paper. When are you coming over? I'm contemplating on just staying here until you arrive.
I knew no one else would have gone along with it since it's morally wrong and probably illegal. You said, "Yes. And let's add fireworks."
So....I just took a paddle fan on high speed to the side of the head while getting head...still finished the job, good thing I'm drunk and couldn't feel it.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
He finally delivered on the dick pic, and Jesus Christ, it was worth the wait.
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
Kid walks in and orders 24 Mcdoubles and 14 large fries, as he's handing me the money he tells me he lost at rock paper scissors so he had to do the munchie run.
eating a weed cupcake with nutella on top at work. i AM a star!
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
