ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
so i have my big date this weekend, and i was practicing giving head with a bottle in the shower. i stopped and looked at the botton of the bottle. it was PURE MOLD! if i die, dont tell the doctors how this happened....
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
I could write a book on how to barely get by in community college. I just took an online quiz on my phone, at the bar, 6 minutes before it was due.
IDK but this explains my bloody dashboard.
My roommate didn't flush after her miscarriage. Time to drink myself blind. I need you for moral support. Or so I don't have to drunkenly cry alone anymore. Whatever, help.
We're stoned and watching little Einstein videos. Come. Over. Now.
I saw a guy do a line this morning in line to start the 5k, happy thanksgiving!
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize