Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
I just puked into a plastic bag at a red light. Go me.
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
This theraflu would make for a great margarita.
I can make a sudafedarita
I'm not wearing a bra, watching Netflix and eating gushers. I don't know a better way to spend a hangover.
I WAS JUST SITTING HERE BEING SNIFFED BY ODD WOMEN FOR A SOLID 5 MINUTES. My face was a twist of utter fear and confusion...
The doctor that gave me my std test is trying to hook me up with her daughter lol
No worries I have vodka. Its always on time
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I realized it was late, and he was my brother in humanity and another incarnation of my own life force and consciousness, so I regained control of myself, thanked him for helping me, and went home.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
