if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Think worst case scenario and then dress sluttier
No it was after you showed us his fraternaty letters shaven out of your pubes
no dude I'm not doing anything bad to her...remember she's always the DD she has blackmail material on literally all of us
I'm not worried. All I have to do is not be the drunkest painter at 8:00. Golden.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
FYI you are now my emergency contact at plan parenthood
Another beautiful Sunday, another beautiful day the stick is not positive. Amen.
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Bruh why you gotta judge
You're awake at 3:30 in the morning RSVPing to a musical, I'm well within my means
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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