Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
he's just got his life so together and it makes my pussy wet.
Waffles and pussy, what else is there?
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
I am high. And my mom surpised me today. Now i am high and with my mom....bad idea
Randomize
