shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
I really hope he dies in a tragic kegstand mishap
You totally drew a penis wizard on my closet that says "I travel for cock rock"
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
I can't look at him without thinking about his cum face
Every time you started making out for him we all cheered for you... that's what sorority sisters do - they cheer you on when you make bad life decisions at the bar.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
can i text him and be like "oh yeah, forgot i kinda made out with a girl this weekend. For future reference, does this count as cheating?" ?
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
what the fuck is wrong with you
Do you want me to go chronologically or alphabetically?
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
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