i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So... My dad just saw the Plan B package and the beer cans in my backseat.
Oh its cool I'm sure he already knows you're a whore and an alcoholic.
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
pop tarts are not kleenex
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I'm now having weird sexual fantasies about that riverdancing figure skater. So thanks for that.
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
But you put your finger in my ass and the rest is history
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
