Your lack of dick hurts my anus. I hate your loverboy tactics.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
she wants me to text her or call her all the time when we are apart...this is not high school...
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
I'm crying, drinking alone and applying for jobs tonight. I figure the alcohol will lower my job standards.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Her idea of kinky involved a tazer
wtf?
I'm going back tonight
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
I'm training him to sit when I whistle the tune from the hunger games. I'm going to be the coolest parent ever.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
I sent him a tit pic with the caption, "Mt. Arie and Mt. Hola are ready for expedition." Too nerdy?
Fair warning birthday party last night avoid kitchen & upstairs bathroom if you value your remaining sanity
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Randomize
