I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
don't worry about the poodle she's always like that. she's like 14 years old and ate a bag of weed when she was a puppy.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I dont care if he cant spell. Illiterate people need blowjobs too
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Also I just sneezed literally 12 times in a row so violently...boogers everywhere. Sorry to ruin the sexting. I just felt like you had to know
Fuck you fireball...just straight up fuck out of here
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
Um, It's tempting but I'm not into coke or farmers.
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
