I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Sitting next to a retarded hot married man on the plane, I got 6.5 hrs to homewreck this shit.
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Someone woke me up and gave me a sprite and some pills. I put them in my belly button. Trust no one.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
He's so drunk he thinks he's the ultimate warrior. Told cops he was from parts unknown. Never broke character
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
I couldn’t resist. He had a camouflage condom. You know I love a man in a uniform
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