my sisters under your porch take her home
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Well sorry I accidentally spooned your mom and possibly threw up on you
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
Last night you told me to stop being Martha Stewart and asked if I had Taco Bell in my house
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
I'll pass on that plan. The lack of my penis in new vaginas is no where on the itinerary.
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
