3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
had a convo with my professor before class while peeing... new level of awkward or a breakthrough in our relationship? i feel like there is no longer a professional boundary.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
Ya. I was the definition of a shit show. I woke up outside my door when my alarm went off
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
Fairly certain I called dibs on your lesbian virginity last night
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
Vom Wallet is no more. We now boldly enter a responsible, adult era where we will not throw up liquor onto ourselves.
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I'm throwing in the towel on today. The puke gods have won this war
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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