ParTy fuckkin suckkkks bro I gotta fid sum biTch 2 leT me fire sum loadz on her FACE!
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Nah, but can you imagine if I were seriously like that?
you looked like a weeble wobble. everytime we thought you were going to fall you bounced back up...you're an amazing drunk
How you know a guy is gay: they say they would want money, not sexual favors, from emma watson
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
First night in the new apartment. There are 12 people here i don't know, Tequila, and a crying girl locked in our bathroom. I think the apartment christening is complete.
I just need to actually convince myself that drunkenly having sex won't help me forget the last time I drunkenly had sex, it only makes the situation worse.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
And I would just like to take the time to say my boobs look great today.
It's fucking New Year's. I can be soberish in 2013 after tonight. It's like the 30 years of grey area between Jesus' birth and death.
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
What was I even doing in 2010?! I feel like that's a question I should be able to type into the Facebook Search bar
So I ended the trip with two cold sores, poison ivy on my leg and vagina, and no alcohol or weed. WORST. 4TH. OF. JULY. EVER.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
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