dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
I don't know if it's the amount i drank last night or the number of taylor swift statuses on facebook but i feel like puking everywhere
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
NO. ANAL IS NOT A GAME.
So I found a skull ring inside me this morning. I'm assuming its yours, so I'll leave it in my mailbox for you - it looks expensive.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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