mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
just went to the store to buy a mop & tampons. i feel like i just gave in to all those women jokes.
oh ps. last night you kept telling me to calm down because everything was fine cause you were getting "arab money"...
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Just saw ur booking photo. Love that u were already wearing orange. Its like u knew
I totally cried the whole time and then screamed out my new therapists name....
I am far too hungover to deal with the fact I can hear you masturbating in the bathroom.
I seriously just caught my Pina colada from falling of a table perfectly facing up. I will now reward myself by finishing this one and then getting my 8th
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
The spirit of America is being too hungover to celebrate America right?
This may be the alcohol talking, but I'm pretty sure I know Spanish now
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
I would not recommend douching while drunk.
So, 'head before the store' turned into a fuck fest, & that's how I ended up at the grocery store smelling like a cum farm on Black Friday. How's your weekend?
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