I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
mind if i send you a dick pic? so you can see what she wasn't doing right?
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I'm not snubbing your weed I just had a really important rack of ribs to get home to
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
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