If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
I feel like Tiger Woods should send Jesse James a gift basket or something...
how do i word it so it doesnt sound like im asking him if he has ever been in jail.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
I'm sitting next to a ginger. She is decked out in olive green. Gingers fucking love olive green.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
First memory of my senior year: Going into registration still drunk from last night.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I know he’s a bad decision but he's casual, his penis is amazing and his technique is on point.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
