Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Yeah, but I'm out of licorice and there's no way anywhere near here will rent us all mopeds on a Tuesday night.
better question... why wasnt i wearing a cape the previous 20 years of my life???
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
Would it be bad if I bought her bread, meat, cheese, and stuff as her christmas present so she can make me a sandwich?
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
Some fat latino guy has these 2 fat white moms making out with each other on the dance floor
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
There's no button for "gave my boyfriend's cock to a friend" on my intimacy calendar.
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
Randomize
