Be sure to let me know if your relationship crumbles so I can resume hitting on you
No, I'm not keeping her! I can't become an adulterer and a dog stealer in the same 24 hours...
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
woke up this morning in the hall outside of my parents room with a sign taped to myself that said "im sorry"...
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
My body is being held together with whiskey, nicotine, duct tape and a little bit of hope...
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
Oh man, buzzed lunch fridays almost got out of hand.
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
I saved him in my phone as "Well-Hung Burrito Savior." I love Taco Tuesday.
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
I can empathize with sociopaths, serial killers, demons, gods, and monsters....straight white males are literally the only barrier to my 100% empathy rate. I don't get it.
You couldn’t remember the word hand jibber. Instead, your drunk ass offered the bartenders “unlimited hand fritters” if they wouldn’t cut you off.
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