So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
im trying not to drink and cry in the same night anymore. i'll let you know how it goes
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
i keep looking at my boobs and it just baffles me how he could give this up.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Like, I just want to be naked rolling around in soft things.
A woman on my train just walked down the carriage in a wedding dress, crying and clutching a can of Carlsberg. Oh...
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
DC is easy, you will figure it out.
I'm drunk and blonde. You are wayyyy underestimating this.
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
Fucking adderall I just talked at the security guard for 90 minutes
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
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