ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
So Jesus turned water into wine. So what? I once turned a whole student loan into natty light. Your move holy man.
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
my secret santa just gave me a pregency test
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
christmas break will be like the 25 days of orgasms
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
its like..once you have one emotional drunk night, you can't stop. i feel like i have to end every drunken night in tears and i dont think my roommates think it's heartwarming anymore
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Well I'm in a stranger's bed.
Gotta leave to watch the Lions
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
My sack is cleanly shaven and the rest of my body has been manscaped. i even put aftershave on my junk. i feel sleek like a fighter jet right now.
I am no longer embarassed by my vagina
It concerns why you would be in the first place, but I'd rather not know
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