Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
Why does lindsey know I was naked in the kitchen?
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
All I remember is sitting on your kitchen floor and playing with a banana like it was a viking ship.
It's always appealing to be able to say to someone "I banged your mom"
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Your mom asked you why you had bite marks all over your arms and you answered her by yelling "I HAD A SIESTA!"
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