2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I just put my hair into this ponytail & it looks hideous & really cool at the same time. I am dedicating it to the hangover I have
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I was going to say "wearing plaid doesn't make you gay, I wear plaid!" but then... heavy sigh
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Drunk purchased a negligee, plan b, keds and Himalayan salt shot glasses.. there’s only one reasonable purchase there, and we both know it’s not the sneakers
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