whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
All I know is for some reason I was sitting naked in the hallway playing an invisible ukulele singing somewhere over the rainbow. I wonder why security came.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
We are lost and the only things we have are peanut brittle, cookies and vodka. I think we'll make it.
Also, not pregnant! Way to go uterus! Good job on being a team player!
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
Randomize
