Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
thanks for brining me home and putting me in my bed. the pillow fort your built around me is also appreciated.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
She gave 2 thumbs up when Nirvana came on the radio while blowing me in the bathroom
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The man who lives downstairs is fluent in Russian, and also a playboy. You should meet.
A horseman, i repeat, a man on a horse downtown just told me i was gorgeous and my friends were not. Not drunk enough.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Watching the awkward tinder date at the table next to mine is the most action I've had in months, so there's that.
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
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