Aren't I supposed to sit on your face?
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
If I were there, I'd be putting a martini in you, via funnel if need be, and you would be doing this thing.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
There is a visibable outline from you in the grass. its you in the fetal position...
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Yeah, I probably need some combination of electric shock, massive quantities of LSD, and enough couch time time to make Woody Allen say "Enough".
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
I don't care how many things you caught on fire, it's still not as bad as doing coke and then filming yourself having sex.
he said to "slap him" after he guessed the time correctly. i did.
Randomize
