Just found out what was wrong with Esther. Turns out she's 33 and still not married. This explains everything.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
If Bret Micheals dies..will VH1 have to go off the air?
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Dude. Zebras have bad attitudes.
On my way, five mins. Is the line long? Do you think they will they hold a pumpkin at coat check?
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
Everyone heard you scream that I was to be naked, in your bed in 5 minutes. We were one hell of a shitshow spectacle
The fact that he offered to stop once he stuck it in my ass was sadly the most considerate thing anybody's ever done for me.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
Also, we can't be seen together looking suspicious or sexually satisfied
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
