I'd suck a dick for hot wings now. A metaphoric dick that is
I've been sucking dick for sushi for weeks now...hasn't worked yet :P
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
We left an ass print on the piano.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
dropping lines from Workaholics has slowly become my icebreaker when hitting on girls. who would have thought "lets get weird" would cause girls to actually get weird
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Hey I didn't mean to come across like I was judging you about your liberal sexual choices. I would like details of your threesome if you need to talk about it!
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
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