Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
I take back everything bad I said about that song party in the usa. There's just something about seeing a cross dresser lipsing it that makes a song sooo much better.
I wish we could tell the moving van to wait at the strip club for a while.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
