Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
GOT MY PERIOD AND AN INTERNSHIP OFFER THIS IS A WONDERFUL DAY
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
This is a hot dog holiday. I intend to do my part for the processed meat workers of this great union.
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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