Midnight walks are trippy
I tried to do that earlier, but I was alone and scared, so I stole a happy Birthday balloon.
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
THIS IS NO TIME FOR SHAME JOSH. JUST GOTTA GET IT IN. PURELY FOR LEVELING UP PURPOSES
Just told my mom I need money for Molly. She was not happy
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
Thanks for duct tapping my dick to my leg while I was passed out. I could only aim straight down. I stood on your bed. Have a nice day at work!
I'm actually glad the whole thing's over now. It's exhausting to fake a pregnancy.
Imagine not having to fake it.
Yeah, I should never have kids, probably.
I'm in love. Her name is Jamie. She's beautiful. She punched me in the face.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
Randomize
