As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
There was a lot of him and a little penis
He was pretty wasted I guess, but the crippled guy threw the first punch it was awesome
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
We were having sex and his high flatmates stood outside his room playing the guitar and singing Somebody to Love by Justin Beiber. Weirdest night ever.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
I remember doing shots of gin, then I have this strange memory of us making out in the womens room at waffle house.
I regret none of it.
I don't see how you can turn down creme brulee and orgasms
hope your day is as exciting as mine- one of our trauma patients just stole an ambulance out of our bay... WITH AN EMT STILL IN IT.
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
when u match a guy bc he's from Oregon & he's trying to flirt, shut up i just want to talk about trees
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
Idk if you've ever tried hysterically crying in the shower listening to Florence + The Machine but it's honestly a life-affirming experience
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