he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
ashley and jimmy are about to have sex on degrassi.... EVERYONES GETTING LAID BUT ME
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize