Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
Is it weird that I have contacts who i've classified as DO NOT ANSWER?
Lol no its called college
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
how does a 20 year old who hasnt gone through puberty yet score the game winning goal? fuck sidney crosby and his small nuts.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
It's almost like he dry humped the last remaining bit of good person out of me.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
Also, I'm going to yoga because I have a Taylor Swift range of emotions right now.
Dude, I have everything I need for meth here.
YOU ARE NOT ALLOWED TO MAKE METH IN OUR APARTMENT.
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Me saying I wish i was a better person + me pretending I don't want to fuck on my period = me lying
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
Randomize
