his internet history is a lot of porn, how to make a hovercraft and side-effects of jacking off too much
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I think that the jello shots in bowls is where it all went wrong.
Nothing says never again like hurling in the shower.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
I'm eating ramen over the toilet. Fuck my life
I don't need you anyway! I have puppies and booze!
My boss stocked the communal fridge with Gatorade. It's like he wants me to come in hungover.
They're gonna put "is a hoe" on my medical records
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
