me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
State Street has never looked so beautiful than during my walk of shame.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Hypothetical question: how bad would bacardi be as an IV drip?
death...100% death...what r u planning.
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I stole a fireplace last night.
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
I told your dad we had a nice lunch and hung out for awhile. It seemed more appropriate than "I had a bite of his canned chili and then we ripped each others clothes off."
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
Randomize
