it makes me cry that so many people are going to see you naked someday.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
Don't take this the wrong way but I just mistook a trash can for you
I listened to the last 10 minutes of that 20 minute voicemail, it's solid gold. At one point he literally suggests we buy tasers and go around shooting people.
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
The cops caught them pow wowing in the teepee at the entrance of the golf course at 5 am. But were still missing someone.
you threw up into the pocket of your shirt. which was pretty damn polite
High school girls are buying me shots. This will not end well.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
WHAT KIND OF DEALER ONLY WORKS FRI-SUN???
Ours, apparently.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
Randomize
