maybe touching the ground while going 70 wasn't such a great idea after all..
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
Another day, another engagement, another cat
You did it first. I was merely expressing my support for you, by pressing my testicles against a window.
Admittedly shitfaced... I have two questions. 1)why is the fan in my bathroom on? (Sub-text: is there a ghost?). 2) is your underwear really argyle?
Happy Birhtday!
Dad, it's 3am and it's not my birthday... wherever you are, go home
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I hope I don't have to wait for another triple crown winner to get laid again.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
That's why i need nudes. Plutonic nudes.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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