You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
if Anne Taylor knew what she did in her clothes, she'd be banned from the store.
oh come on, it's the perfect length summer dress to blow a stranger in the bathroom in
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
Just went grocery shopping with a vibrator in my purse and didn't even realize it. This is what Saturdays are made for.
Not sure if buying Twisted Teas for the alcoholics posted up outside the gas station counts as paying it forward but I am optimistic.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
Does having sex in an airport bathroom with a girl you just met at the bar count as the mile high club? ...no?
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
