i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
We need to rekindle our bromance
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
She had to leave early so she could get ready for her high school's homecoming. I hope her date likes sloppy seconds.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
If I was gonna be at your campus for halloween weekend, I'd dress up as the masked horny fairy and give out condoms. I'm so thoughtful.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
I'm taking a pole dancing class this morning. Can I put you down as my emergency contact? I'm NOT putting my mother
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