I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I'm taking her home. She just told a 90 yo woman in a packers hat to "suck her cock".
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
Fuck you for setting me up with the guy from the Nickelback cover band
Payback for not stopping me from fucking the guy in the wookie costume
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I puked and rallied in front of a cop...and then waved at him....
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
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