I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Question. Will thrown up fruit loops go down the shower drain?
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
That's terrible. At least give it a creative name like muff mobile.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
I am the worst person to have nipple rings I'm hanging ornaments off of then and sending everyone a tits the season to be jolly
Too bad I can't un-pee in his body wash
If I die, sorry about rent.
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
Randomize
