No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
i either got mauled last night by a velociraptor or an angry lipstick lesbian. could have been both
i miss vodka and anonymity. college is so rich in both. in college we are a many armed creature, lubricated with beer and sex.
just went home with some hot chick. she has posters of the jonas brothers in her room. i basically ran out of the house.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
Look dude, you cant keep blaming everything on the new years party. Its february...
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Get here now. There’s a guy dressed as Captain Morgan handing out miniature bottles of Captain Morgan.
Newest quarantine problem - I’ve watched all of the porn. Like everything on the the internet, all the DVDs, mags, VR, leisure suit Larry all of it and I’m still horny af
Randomize