I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
If I EVER wake up with two black eyes again you better come up with a better story than trying to see how many punches I could take.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
He's afraid of heights. How do I know, you ask? Blowjob on his roof.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
my roommate had a few special brownies and wrapped my purse and one of my shoes and left them under the tree for me...
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
I wish I had a picture of me and ron helping that stripper lick her own vagina
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
What happened last night? I'm too scared to get out of bed and see the destruction.
First of all, check to see if that naked guy is still alive. He didn't look to be breathing when I left
Randomize
