So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Home, forcing the cats to make out. Someone should get some.
It was awesome explaining why I had a tiger with boxers in my bed, a little bit drunk, to a girl in a pre-sex moment
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
got one for peeing in public....called the cop a donut dunking communist...should be a fun court appearance
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Randomize
