I am doing a scientific study and i need a brief description of the underpants you are wearing
why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I'm sitting in class drinking a forty out of a paper bag. No ones said anything yet. I think my professor is trying to ignore me. Better start yelling louder.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Will you fuck me while I eat my burrito though? I'm kind of hungry.
I'm either a high functioning alcoholic or I'm making the most of the fact that this is the last year that its socially acceptable to be black-out drunk five days a week.
She used my 100 Ways To Cope With Stress handout to wipe puke off her face
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I currently don't understand fingers.
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