I’m once again drinking at eight am on a Sunday in my tutu. This garment is literally my best purchase ever.
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
Chick in class has 69 tattooed on the back of her neck. Target acquired.
Although I am concerned about who made the decision to let you loose in a bridal show I am proud to see you in a sombero again.
I just learned a new drink. Sloppy Ninja. Half Saki Half Nyquil
Once you mention butt plugs, conversations always take a turn for the worst.
I can't wet the bed. That was the old me. I'm grown
Oh my god
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
I responded with revoking his blow job privileges. Needless to say, he's learned his lesson.
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
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