I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
mom in a round about way told me to either donate my eggs or become a surrogate bcuz I need money.
Don't get the hula weed. It makes you sleep walk in destructive and confusing ways. I'll explain on Saturday.
They're re-releasing Titanic in 3-D. Can I interest you in a joint venture to create the greatest drinking game of all time? I think yes
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
In your drunken glory you promised me, tongue, 12 naked pics, and 1,800 breakfasts.
I want you to get your positive energy all over me. I want to to look like something from Ghostbusters.
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
He congratulated me by offering up free orgasms.. I told him I also had a birthday last month we needed to celebrate.. He was there in ten minutes.
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I just bought six bottles of the 2 dollar vodka. oh yes there will be blood
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
At one point I believe I was despencing medical advice while wearing a sombrero and a hulk hand
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
Randomize
