Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
We decided we needed a drinks fridge in our bathroom.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
But I mean how many guys can say they get blow jobs and grilled cheese with football
He got an erection from helping me mobilize my lumbar spine. I love physical therapy school.
I just scored a new eye doctor and a date all in one email. BOOM!
I'm more of a "get high and take a bath" kinda guy.
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
My farts smell like burning tires and false courage
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
