I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
could you clean the juice and feathers off my bed I'm just not up for hangover cleaning.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
Please tell me you're not playing strip poker with your cousins again
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
I got with him in my watermelon costume so ya you owe me $1
im so sad I can't openly talk about acid tab Sundays
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
You full on peed your pants then resurrected yourself like Jesus Christ...
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