i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i think my mom watched the whole time
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
the only thing keeping me going right now is the knowledge that in 2 hours i'll be drunk at the circus.
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
I just want to fall into a pit of xannies and eat my way out.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You know how I know she's ugly? 97% of her profile pics are flowers or animals. And what do we know about pretty people and the Internet?
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
Sex. Target parking lot. I really am the mayor.
Randomize
