I'm going to jail i love you
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Rule #127: If your going to try fuck a married guy, you gotta be hotter then his wife; diet starts today.
Just woke up to find myself in a random bed with two people next to me having sex. I thought it would be awkward to just suddenly get up so i think I'm gonna lie here and pretend I'm still sleeping.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
Had mirculous sex while watching miracle. Until she got mad that I kept quoting the movie. Not my fault I'm a good multi-tasker
Do you believe in miracles?
"Douchebag of the Year" award goes to the guy who didn't reply to the picture of my tits.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
People try and tell me I never learn me lesson, well that's a bunch of crap. I asked for Monday off for Superbowl recovery based on my experience last year.
Tell me why I woke up with your dads construction shirt on, nothing else, and had jelly donuts with a note from a girl named cathryn that said "we had a kinky night with peanut butter". p.s. Im by the layin by the lawnmower
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