first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
let's just say if he has a penis and he hypothetically needs to put it somewhere... i would take care of that for him.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
Thank you for FINALLY joining the Slutasorus Rex club in this conversation.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
How dare you question the sanctity of Chocolate-and-Porn day
Okay first of all, that is a sick ass nickname please call me that forever. Second, i need your help.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
But what is a man profited, if he should gain Joe Biden and lose Alex Trebek?
Randomize
