4:33 am: Sleep on left side of my bed. T-shirts are second drawer on left side, boxers top right. I don't wake up when lights are on so feel free in my room..
why did u let me go home with him last night?
u were determined it was a good idea
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
Thank God for cruise control and the Starbucks cup I had to puke in.
Im drunk and they're making me play quiet game. Im scared. Baptists are here
No I'm not coming over. That Bob Ross drinking game is too intense.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
Why do I always end up with closet ICP fans?
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Stop calling me, Mom. I'm in his closet. You're gonna blow my cover and I'm about to catch this lying SOB.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
Randomize
